Tuesday, October 18, 2011

YOU'RE out of order!

We were at the park awhile back, butt-ass early in the morning, and I noticed Roman had put his shoes on the wrong feet. 
I said "Robot, switch your shoes. They're on the wrong feet." 
This raper person standing there interjected - "You mean alternate. They're on the alternate foot." 
 "No, I mean wrong foot. As in “the incorrect foot for the shoe to be on”." 
 "Or other foot. You could say "other foot"." 
"Really?... Let me ask you something. Are his shoes on the correct foot?" 
"They're just on his ALTERNATE foot." 
"Let me rephrase. Are they on the foot they were designed to most comfortably fit?" 
"Well, not necessarily..." 
"So no then." 
"I just don't think that telling a child something is "right" or "wrong" is good for the child. I think "other option" or "alternate" is much more...enlightened." 
"Okaaaay... so, along with telling me how to raise my child, challenging my intellect, and correcting me, you have decided to classify me as "not enlightened". Why do you think I am un-enlightened?" 
It's at this point that I smile. I think I revealed too much incisor, though, because she appeared to think I was going to eat her. 
Sweating profusely but remaining very calm, she answered - "It's not that you are unenlightened. It's just that a more enlightened approach would be to use a less negative alternative..." 
"Do you know the definition of the word wrong?"....All the while, I'm thinking "Who the FUCK is this person? Comes out of nowhere, has no clue who I am, and starts giving me parenting advice?What the motherfucking FUCK?!" 
"I understand how people interpret the word to their children." 
Breathe, man. Breathe. "Okay. So you are inferring a general interpretation on my definition of the word "wrong", and in so doing are asking me to define an incorrect action by some other term that meets YOUR approval?! Well, what the hell! Let's start renaming everything! Let's see. How about, I'm a dump truck, my son here is Screaming Rainbow, and you're a rapist? Because, if we get to choose whatever definition we like for words, that's where I'm gonna go!" 
"That's not it at all." 
"You can't just ignore the literal definition of a word, and cast assumptions on somebody you don't even know, because it doesn't fit your pattern. Well, you can, it's just not gonna get you very far. Seriously. Websters defines the word "wrong" as being mistaken or incorrect AS WELL AS the immoral or unjust act. Your use of ultra-conservative christian ideology by using the biblical definition of the word "wrong" is somewhat...unenlightened..." 
"I am NOT conservative OR christian!" 
"No, you're right - You're ENLIGHTENED." 
It's at this point I turn and help Robot put his shoes on the RIGHT feet (he has two of them, you know) and walk away. 
As much as I love to...debate, I really wasn't trying to argue with the lady, or belittle her, or befuddle her. I just think society has taken the PC thing way to far. Robot is not going to be emotionally scarred if I tell him his shoes are on the wrong feet. Words are words for a reason. 
I was recently at a meeting of individuals who are all interested in intentional communities, and there was this child there that was running wild throughout the event, being disruptive, invading peoples personal space, screaming her fool head off, and demanding attention and things from everyone, resulting in no one getting much out of the meeting. When I asked the mother to control her child, she refused because "Children should be allowed to do what they want." I said "what about adults?" To which she replied "As long as it doesn't hurt anyone else." So I sat down next to her, and started making the most annoying, nasal, ululating sound I could manage, getting gradually louder, until she got up in a huff, grabbed her child, and left. It may have been immature, but my point was clear - everyone has boundaries.
Childhood, to me, is for having fun, learning, and growing. Part of that is learning about those boundaries. Not everywhere, but take traffic for example. I am NOT going to let my child get run over by a truck to learn that it hurts to play in traffic. I am going to yell at him to get his ass away from the curb. If that makes me a negative enforcer, then so be it. This negative enforcer’s child is ALIVE. Understand - I do NOT practice, nor do I condone, ANY form of corporal punishment (or whatever the fuck they are calling it these days), psychological "discipline", or any other act of moral degradation used to control another person. It is, to use a word, wrong. But yelling to get their attention? In a heartbeat. I'll yell like a motherfucker. Besides, I like to yell. It's fun. And there's another thing. While I was at the same get together, I was informed that my children were not "mine", because it implied ownership. "Hrk-!?!?" That's me, choking off a scream of rage. My child is mine, and your child is yours. Anyone saying otherwise is a lazy son-of-a-bitch who refuses to accept responsibility for their own actions. We provide for them, we care for them, we educate them, we protect them. They are ours. My heart bursts with my love for my babies. My children are not mine because I OWN them - my children are mine because I love them. I will do anything to make my babies happy, and that includes giving direction and setting boundaries so that they may have more fulfilling lives. Anyone that calls that negative can politely fuck off.

1 comment:

  1. Cow boxer? I prefer rapist. Still JUST as hilarious as the first time!