Tuesday, January 28, 2014

I don't think it's supposed to do that

Fun fact: beet juice can make your pee turn pink, or even red. Which is a really, really good thing to know. Especially BEFOREHAND. Especially if you're a bit of a hypochondriac. GAH!

Sunday, January 26, 2014

Heh Heh Heh

My love:"Ouch. I'm all stiff from doing yardwork..."

Me:"I'm all stiff from watching you do yardwork. Rowr."

Thursday, January 23, 2014


Biscuit:"Daaaad...wuth for brefith?"
Me:"Oven-roasted potatoes and eggs."
B:"I don't waaaaaant po-tay-tooooooooooes..." - then, taking a sudden detour from his normal kickpunching, brainsmashing whine -*big puppy eyes* "if you acthidently made a thamwich, I would eat it for you, cuth I LOVE thamwiches..."
Aw crap.
Wait, what?! How'd that sammmich get there?

Friday, January 10, 2014

Jelly of the Month Club

Since everyone is on about their annual reviews - My annual review was SPECTACULAR.
I was all "how'd we do this year?"
And I was like "We fucking rocked it!"
"Fuck YEAH! High-five, me!"

"Hey kids! How'd I do this year?!"
"What year?"
"The 365 days preceding December 30 somethingth."
"He means two thousand thirteen."
"Oh! Yeah! You did awesome, Dad!"
"Yeah! Awethum!" *holds 2 thumbs way up*
"Sweet! High-fives!"

Aaand now they are working on writing reviews for me.

Thursday, January 2, 2014

A Very Particular Set of Skills

Had a bike trailer stolen off my front porch a couple nights ago. It's not much the trailer that bothers me, as it is the smegheaded fuckwad that had the audacity to invade our sanctum. Now I cant fucking sleep. It's just a trailer, right? Yeah. But what if the hopped-up ass-monkey returns for a little B&E? That's a threat to the security of my children. FUCK. FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK.