Hey! Motherfuckers at the USDA - a can of V8 Fusion juice is NOT a serving of fruits and vegetables. Neither is a can of fucking SpaghettiOs. Food is food, you eat what you can to survive, blah blah fucking blah, but don't allow companies to package Grade A bullshit and try to pass it off as nutritious. An APPLE is a serving of fruit. 15 grapes equal a serving of fruit. A cup of greens is a serving of vegetables. A can of V8Fusion, however, is just a can of fucking juice. It's sugar wrapped in a sweet little lie, bitches. And I'm not even going to delve into the SpaghettiOs conspiracy. Eat your vegetables.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Thursday, June 21, 2012
B: (singing) "Old Mac Donald had a farm -"
R: (interrupting) "andonthatfarm he had some GUYYYS... GEE EYE GEE EYE JOOOOE!"
B: (Cracking up) "And Cobra Commanderrrrrr..."
R:"That doesn't rhyme."
B:(Still cracking up) It's ALLITERATION!"
Me: "Please don't sing that in front of your mother. She's gonna think I'm warping your fragile little minds with Saturday morning cartoons."
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Boogie: (Observing me drinking at the sink)"HEY! I see you drinking those beers..."
Me: "I'm whatnow? I'm drinking water, child. Look. See? Water."
B: "You changed it with your magic. You're drinkin' all the beers. I see youuu... and you better save some of those beers for mama."
Me: "I am NOT drinking BEER! Why am I even defending myself to you?! I can drink beer if I want. But I'm not. So shut it and go away!"
Boogie:(Backing slowly out of the kitchen while pointing at me) "I got my eye on youuu. You save some beers for mama. She works hard and needs beer for when she comes home...I waaatching youuuuuu..."
Me:"Whatever, ya weirdo. I'm watching YOU. HA! How about that?!"Crap. Now I want a beer.
R: "Mom, are you taking that little yogurt to work?"
Mommy:"Yes, for my lunch."
R:"Do you have a spoon?"
Mommy:"Yes, I have a spoon at work."
R:"Do you have a bunch of spoons?"
Mommy:"I have two spoons at work."
R:"Mom... You need more spoons! *arms akimbo, lip quivering* How will all your work friends share your yogurt???"
Tuesday, June 12, 2012
Friday, June 8, 2012
I wish my kids were snorrrring
Napping in their beds
With dreams in their head
Instead of fighting over that stupid musical guitar don't HIT YOUR BROTHER GET DOWN FROM THERE SWEET GOD HOW DID POOP GET ON THE CEILING FAN FOR THE UMPTEENTH TIME PUT YOUR CLOTHES BACK ON
something something and a word that rhymes with snoringThe End.