Tuesday, November 24, 2015

This blog entry is about my daughter

I have had enough. Refusing to refer to Caitlyn Jenner as Caitlyn, as a WOMAN, is not witty. It is not funny. It is bigoted, callous, and disrespectful. More than that and to the point, it is transphobic. I don't give a flying fuck what you think of her as a person, or whether or not you agree she is deserving of some meretricious award, or whether you think she is a shallow pedant who makes wildly inaccurate statements about her gender. Caitlyn Jenner is not the first woman to say something stupid about being a woman, and I guarantee you there are many men who have done worse on a far grosser, ridiculous, idiotic scale. It does not make her less of a woman, and neither does having formerly identified as a male. But that part of her, what she did, who she is - it's bigger than that. She, and Laverne Cox, and a host of other trans advocates have recently brought transgender issues suddenly and unexpectedly into the public eye. Trans issues of being taunted, tormented, killed and driven to commit suicide because of who they are.
It is NOT a motherfucking choice. It is who they are, it is their identity, and I swear to fucking god if you approach my trans daughter and intentionally refer to her as anyone other than who she is, we will have words. I am a father. My children are my life. You hurt them, and you will KNOW who I am.
My daughter will not suffer for your - or anyone else's - ignorance. 
To that end, it is my duty to bring enlightenment to those not possessing the knowledge regarding the impact of their actions. If you are one of these, consider yourself further educated. If you are not, feel free to share your wisdom with others. Be proactive. Be supportive. Be an advocate. Be something better than hate. 

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

All It Takes is Faith and Trust...

That moment when the booger that falls out of your nose appears to have magical properties because your daughter has sprinkled you with so much "fairy dust" in an attempt to turn you into a unicorn and help you fly that you now sneeze glitter.


Me: "So, Boogs - gonna drop a little existential quandary on you - why life, the universe, and everything?"
B: "Stop saying weird words. Say things I know."
Me: "...so, why are we here?"
B: "You mean how."
Me: " I said 'why'."
B: "Yeah, but that's not a real question. 'How' is a real question. Because, SCIENCE! 'volution and stuff."
Me: " But why?! Why are we here on this bright blue ball hurtling through space at a kajillion miles a second?! WHYYYY?!"
B: "HA! I don't think you know how big the universe is."
Me: "How does that have anything to do with it?"
B:(getting very, very close to my face) "Because we are specks of stardust. DO YOU KNOW HOW BIG DUST IS?! THIS BIG! (Holds up finger and thumb squished together) TINY! The universe isn't a thing. It doesn't care. It doesn't care about dust. Do you care about dust?! HUH?!"
Me: "You are very close to my face right now. (She backs up about an inch) Well, that seems...sad. I mean, if there isn't a why, then we wouldn't really have a purpose."
B: "Riiiight...which means we can do whatever. Be whatever. I'm gonna be a SPACE EXPLORER. I'm going to swim to planets and harvest stuff. That's MY purpose. Harvesting planets."
Me: " If that's the case, I know a giant purple dude that likes to eat planets who's got a surfboard with your name on it. "
B: "Heeheehee - you're weird." And she scissorkicks off, pretending to swim through space.
She will go far. Of this I have no doubt. I would move heaven and Earth to make that happen, but I know I won't have to. My children ARE strength, and the embodiment of intelligence, and kindness, and love. I am awed and schooled by them every single day.

Happy Birthday, Mister President

Believe it or not, our lack of wealth is not indicative of a desire by myself or my family to possess cheap shit. If you feel a need to shop at the dollar store or send "freebies"(e.g. stickers from your dentist or local politician, regifted gift cards, bits of string you found on the sidewalk...)as gifts, please kindly fuck off. If it's the thought that counts, then think long term. Think about the shit we are going to have to peel off the walls, wash off the windows, scrub off the children. The amount of crap we are going to have to throw away because you thought "any gift is a gift", and then sent the relatives poorer than you piles of crap, while publicly displaying the extravagant gifts you give those relatives at the same level of wealth as yourself. I notice you don't post pictures of the "Vote Kerry '08" Stickers the kids received in their most recent birthday cards.