Monday, December 30, 2013

Bred for Its Skills in Magic

G:"Guess what I am, Dad. I'm a TINKA!!!"
Me:"Dude - you gotta give me a second to guess. And I already knew you were a stinker."
Me:"So, what's a "Tinka"?"
Me:"No, I get THAT. I mean, What is a "Tinka"?"
G:"A Tinka ith me. Itth half tiguh, half eagle, half bunny, half lavaaa - *pauses to flex muscles* - an' ONE THOUTHAND PERTHENT AWETHUM."

Me:"Well, of course. You'd need at LEAST that many halves to contain that much awesome. It goes without saying."

Friday, December 27, 2013

It Stands to Reason

A parent should never have to tell their child more than once to stop giving themselves hickeys.

Friday, December 13, 2013

Tis the Season

All you parents who are feeling the effects of the season (winter, yo) and are finding yourself ...curt, also irritable, cranky, short-tempered, and feeling guilty for being so - you're not alone. It really is the season. Cabin fever has me being an ornery bear, and -as you know by now, I'm sure - I hate bears. So I'm making every effort to hang with friends and family. Let the kids babysit themselves. Have a drink. Unwind. Because HOLY FUCKING FUCK are they getting on my nerves!!! GAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!!! Ahem. Carry on.