Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Bob Had Bitch Tits

R - "I want apple smoosh."
Me - "You mean apple sauce?"
R - "GIRLS eat sauce - I want smoosh."
Me - "I eat sauce."
R - "You have boobies."
Me - ...
Touché, son. Touché.

The White Stuff

R: "Daddy, what's a 'chocolate raper?'"
Me:"Um, what?"
R: "On "How it's Made", they are belting creamy chocolate rapers. Maybe something about goats."
Me:(after watching the show for a minute to see what the crap he's talking about) "Wafers, son. Say that word about a dozen times. Cream-coated chocolate WAFERS."
Great. Now I can't even look an Oreo in the eye.

Tuesday, May 15, 2012


Roman was just running around the house screaming "THE WHORRRE! THE WHORRRE!"
Me: "Hey! What the hell are you yelling about?"
R: "Boogie."
Me: "That doesn't help."
R: "She's a monster that's terrorstating entire countries! The WHORRE!"
Me: "I think you mean "The HORROR! The HORROR!"
R: "That's what I said."
Me: "Not quite. But A for effort and dramatic effect."

Tuesday, May 8, 2012

They'll never see it coming

I'm standing here watching out my window as my kids play peacefully with each other in the backyard, and all I can think is "Man, if I just had a couple of water balloons, their lives would suddenly get a whole lot more exciting..."

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Now is the time to PAAAANIIIIIIC!!!

Ro effectively ruined my chances of getting a good nights sleep last night. He came stumbling out of the boys bedroom, whimpering - "I think something's wrong with Gaius." Instant panic sets in, as Mommy and Daddy rush to the bedroom to see what's the matter. Gaius is sleeping peacefully.
"What do you mean, something's wrong, Roman?" Mommy asks quietly.
"Well, I was talking to him, and he didn't say anything back..."
To which I reply, in a shouted whisper - "It's because he's friggin' ASLEEP! Which you should be! GAHHHH!!!"
Mommy did good, though, and thanked him for telling us when he thought Gaius was in trouble.
It's the one thing I dislike about being a parent. Panic mode. Everything else, I can deal with. In panic mode, my head immediately goes to worse case scenario, and it sucks. Sucks sucks sucks sucks SUCKS.