Monday, March 24, 2014

What's New, Pussy Cat?

Growing out my beard. It's kind of like having a warm kitty wrapped around my face. And we all know how much I like having my face buried in a soft, velvety p- scratch that. It's like a sweater. A nice, warm innocent, not naughty sweater for my face and neck.

Also, pubes.

Wednesday, March 12, 2014

Go Nuts!

On vasectomies - it doesn't fucking hurt, motherfuckers. And it hurts one one millionth the amount of pain a woman endures when she undergoes a hysterectomy, or a tubal ligation. "But how would you know? You've never had a hysterectomy, or a tubal..." BECAUSE I'VE HAD A VASECTOMY, JACKASS. IT DOESN'T FUCKING HURT.  I even got to watch the whole procedure. They offered to let me take the two little pink bucatini-looking bits home and everything. There's a pinch, and a day or 2 of discomfort, where you are encouraged to lie around with a sack of peas on your nuts. You get a little downtime, some sympathy, and you're a fucking HERO for not making her go through all that shit. Might even get some victory head. Who knows?

So if you're looking for a good, effective solution to not having any(more) children, get that shit done, and quit being a whiny fuckhead.

P.S. Also, if you're in a safe relationship, you don't have to wear a rubber anymore. Which means SHE has to go cleanup. BAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!  Ahem...