Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Smite me, O Mighty Smiter...

So, had a random text conversation with a complete stranger. Here is the transcript -

“Hey ya there”

Identify yourself, heathen!

“You got it. I’m heathen is gale there?”

No, but Wendy just blew through…

“Who.s wendy”

You are, after taco night…

“I don’t get it? I am wendy after taco night? Oh shit never mind I blow hurricanes off anything.”

Yeah, you do! I remember this one time,  we were over at Pike’s, and you were LOADED, and you ate like 5 lbs of fries and a sammmich the size of your FACE, and like an hour later, we rolled up on these shorties, and you were all, “Daaamn, you fiiine,” and then you farted so hard you shit yourself.

“When was that at pikes”

Like you’d remember. Ask K.

“You think i’m someone different. Plus who’s k”

Who texted whom?


No thanks. I have someone for that.

“Is it k?”

Who’s “k”?

“Who’s this?”


“If your god whats my middle name?”

It's *you're, *what's, and your middle name is whatever the fuck I want it to be.

“God doesn’t say swearss.”

I invented swearing, bitch. Check this shit out - I’m the goddamned motherfucking cocksucking kick-ass king of the whole cunttastic universe, you twatwaddling smegsucker. Also - bollocks. And penis. 

“You win.”

Damn straight. Now stop texting me. I’ve got stuff to do. Creating life and smiting and shit.


  1. That is so full of AWESOMENESS...I think that will keep me grinning for the rest of the week, maybe into the weekend!!!

  2. It's always a plus when I am reading, and the next line is: "Check This Shit Out!" Almost killed myself with a cup of coffee!

  3. that is WINNING in an epic fashion!

  4. "Also - bollocks and penis" fucking got me! I love this so hard!