Okay, so I wish I had a story, like how it turned out my appendix was what was left of my evil twin, or they messed up and performed a routine liposuction, leaving me a svelte - albeit bruised - 200 lb love machine, but I got nuttin'. I am recovering well from an emergency appendectomy. That's about it. In other news, my girl Jessie is recovering from an evisceration and as such, has the cooler drugs. Speedy recovery, girl! I, on the other hand, have three tinyyy holes that will heal and no one will be the wiser, other than my missing organ. I imagine him - Herbert is his name - I imagine Herbert in a rain soaked fedora, sitting on a lonely street corner, sad jazz playing in the background. "Chin up, kid. The world is yours now." Herbert just looks at me in that sad, appendix-ey way, ruptured spirit washing down the gutter with the dirty gray rain.